We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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