I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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