if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
