So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
