There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
