I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
