he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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