I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
found the other keg... it's in the tree
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Can you bring me the toilet please
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize