I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize