I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
