I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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