I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You need Xanax blowdarts
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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