My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
