I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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