My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
this is an emotional support booty call
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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