If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
