this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
