I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
