She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize