This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
