that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
