Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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