The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
