she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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