sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
