Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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