Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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