I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
My day in three words: secret purse cake
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
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