Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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