I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
