Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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