guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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