I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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