just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
