Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize