my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
