I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Rumble strips road head = magical
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The struggles of a small town man whore
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize