he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
