he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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