You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
