he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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