So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
