Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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