I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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