I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
