Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
