somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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