no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
