did you get engaged???
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
