i need an iv and a liver transplant
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
