i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
