I smell stomach acid.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize