We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
