I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
