so that wasnt chicken after all
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
