I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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