I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
