He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
