Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
