I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
