When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
