The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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