She went from zero to smokin in five shots
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
