ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
