I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
