i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
