Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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