She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize