At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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